Self hatred in return for size 0?

I'm the lightest I've ever been but why do I feel fatter than ever? I'm sitting here punishing myself, I've eated circa 400 cals today, but with no excersice and not a great deal of walking. My mum has just bought me 2 pairs of jeans as I can't find any in my size in my local town and i'm worrying that I won't fit in to them when i try them Fri. I hate that I've not been able to exercise tonight and I am worried that by dusting a cake with icing sugar earlier my skin will somehow have absorbed the calories?! Is this the brink?

Latest symptoms:

Ridiculously dry skin
Red bits in between my fingers 
Veins popping
Needing to wee all the time, suddenly and with inability to hold it in
Bruising ridiculously, two nights ago I slept with my ankles crossed, I now have a nice yellow and blue bruise.
Insomnia

Oh yeah and the usual grumpiness, lack of patience and exhaustion.

-- Bony hips, not chocolate lips --

Size 0

I don't bloody care what anyone says, just tried on a new pair of jeans, I love being thin, I love the size label, I love it all.

Fat Free Bolognase with Courgette Spaghetti

Fat Free Bolognase with Courgette Spaghetti 

Wanted bolog, cant have wheat - the dish was born...

This recipie makes approx 2 servings, but as I only cook for one I had one portion at 5 and another later on when the post-gym munchies hit!

Ingredients:

1/2 Red onion

Handful spinach

1/4 red pepper

1/4 green pepper

1 Vegetable stock cube (or beef if you're not veggy!) in 200ml water

25g Soya mince (or the real deal - although no longer fat free!)

40g carrot batons chopped in to 1cm cubes

30g leeks

30g closed cup mushroom

70g courgette (sliced using a veg peeler then sliced longways to make spaghetti strands)

200g tin of chopped tomatos

Pinch basil

Salt, pepper and chilli flakes to taste

Method:

1. Fry the onion in a little of the stock water

2. Add carrots and more water

3. Chop all veg in to approx 2cm cubes and add to pot (not the courgette!)

4. Rehydrate mince and add to pot (or cook real mince the way it should be cooked??!)

5. Add chopped tomatoes and let simmer and reduce for approx 20mins or until flavours have 'mulched' together! Season to taste with basil, S&P and chilli

6. Transfer to a separate serving bowl

7. In same pan chuck courgette spaghetti in and constantly stir on a low heat for approx 2 mins

8. Pop on a plate and arrange as you would normal spag bol! 

Nom!! 

Butternut Squash stuffed with Cottage Cheese

Butternut Squash stuffed with Cottage Cheese

A fab way to get some more protein in, it's yummy for the winter and a lighter choice if you fancy a jacket potato! I chose the cottage cheese with onions and chives as it has *slightly* less calories and also adds some effortless flavour! I eat the whole thing, skin included, but your choice.

Ingredients:

1/2 Butternut squash, de-seeded

60g Cottage cheese with onions and chives

Salt and pepper to taste

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 180' fan

2. Place de-seeded squash flesh down on a baking dish and bake until soft and skin is golden, approx 40 mins

3. Lightly 'fluff' the middle of the squash with a fork and flatten to make a larger hole than the seeded bit left

4. Fill with the cottage cheese and warm through in a low oven (I chose 80') for approx 15 mins

5. Sprinkle with S&P (I added some chilli flakes too!)

YUM!

Wheat and fat free 100 cal Portobello Pizza!

Portobello Pizza

Okay, so the cravings nearly got the better of me - I started craving my all-time favourite - PIZZA! 

Alas, I couldn't do it to myself, so I hunted for an alternative, and saw some bigg-ass mushrooms in my local Waitrose... so the creative juices began... I was so pleasently surprised, the mushroom tasted just like a 'real' pizza base and I didn't even miss the hard cheese! Go, go, go >

(This recipe is vegetarian and *nearly* fat, wheat and possibly gluten free - dependant on the cream cheese you use. It comes in at just under 100 calories too) 

Ingredients:

1 Flat portobello mushroom
20g Tomato Puree
15g Philadelphia Cream Cheese (Extra Light)
1/4 Pepper (Orange works well)
1/2 Red onion
1 Shallot
15g Carrots
15g Quorn chicken style pieces (your choice) 
Salt, pepper and chilli flakes
(Plus any other veg you want to use up)

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 180' fan, lightly steam any 'hard' veg (carrots etc)
2. Wash mushroom and spread with tomato puree, sprinkle with rock salt, pepper and chilli flakes
3. Put on baking tray / pizza stone and whack in oven whilst making toppings
4. Cut onions and other veg in to 1cm chunks and mix with the cream cheese and Quorn pieces in a bowl. Season well.
5. Top the mushroom with the veg mix and pop back in the oven for approx 10mins or until veg is starting to brown.

YUM!

I like to serve this with Cauliflour Mash, but whatever works for you!

(You can make this 100% fat free by omitting the cream cheese, but pizza wouldn't be pizza without a little 'naughty'!)